I’m out of here in about 10 minutes to go meet Sarah. We’re going to do some shopping, and then go for lunch. From there, we’re going over to visit my brother, because I’m a lousy sister, and haven’t even seen his new condo yet. Afterwards, I’ll come home and get cleaned up to go out for dinner with hubby, and then we’re off to the Elton John concert! Should be a good time!

Ben is loving both his new jobs. He moved out of Sarah’s place this weekend, and is now living with 3 of his buddies. One of them bought a house, and Ben’s going to live with them now. He’s real excited about that! Sarah’s already making plans for re-doing his old room! I’m going to help her paint his end of her condo.

Well I better scram, or I’m going to be late.

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable,
or
Get married and wish you were dead. ***

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
“Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.”

***

A lady inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Husband Wanted”.
Next day she received a hundred letters.They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine.”

***

When a woman steals your husband, There is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

***

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

***

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

***

Young son: “Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”
Dad: “That happens in every country, son.”

***

Then there was a woman who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, And then, it was too late.”

***

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

***

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

***

Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, Men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.

***

First guy: “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

***

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.

***
AND THE BEST ONE OF ALL…

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.

A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the blind man’s stick as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him,
“Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.”
The blind man replies, “If you would’ve put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.”

Ten on Tuesday: 10 Favorite Articles of Clothing:

1. My nightie (I have 3 of the same kind, in different colours, but they’re nearly worn out) 2. navy blue scrub pants to schlump around the house in.
3. In the winter I love wearing my PJ pants around home.
4. Black yoga pants.
5. flip flops
6. jean jacket
7. new blue blouse
8. “softest robe in the world”
9. crocs (ugliest shoes EVAH)
10.teal suede jacket

Hutterite Party

I laugh every time I look at this picture! Jay makes such a good hutterite! LOL I grew up fairly near to a hutterite colony, so we used to see them around town all the time. Jay and Sarah and 3 of their friends went to an Aggie party, and the theme was of course Hutterites. The pictures are fairly amusing, needless to say!

We’ve had a fairly quiet weekend, and plan to be extremely lazy today. We went out to dinner, and then to the Oiler’s pre-season game last night. It was fun to get back into it! Slightly different environment than the last time we were there (game 6 in the Stanly Cup final).

I’ve been watching “Celebrity Duets” but I’m not watching the finale! I’m so pissed off that Jai didn’t get into the final 3! Grrrr what are these people listening to, that they vote Hal, the screamy meemy in!?? He’s so damn cocky I want to biff him one! I loved him on Queer As Folk, but in reality, he’s a dufus!

Well that’s all for now folks.

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to blast them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came >downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey, you were right. All these years you >have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.” “What do you mean?” asked his wife Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God,some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.”

Poor little Stanley must have remembered the last trip to the vet, because when I put him in the Jeep, he lept over the seat into the back seat, and crouched on the floor, whereas before he used to sit all proud on the pasenger seat. He snuggled in pretty close to me too, when we got to the vet. The vet called, and said everything went well. I get to go pick him up in a half hour!

I shampooed carpets today, washed the hardwood floors, and vacuumed the rest of the house. I also got the laundry finished. I made a huge pot of beef stew, and it’s simmering in the oven right now. That’s about all that’s going on around here. We’re going to an Oiler game tomorrow night, but that’s all we have planned.

Have a good one!

They made some changes on the server, and it made MT all wonky! Piss me off. I think I’ve got it in working order now. But… don’t hold your breath.

It’s been a busy week at work, but tomorrow is a PD day, so no work for me… YAY! But my poor baby Stanley has to be neutered tomorrow, so I’ll be nursing him back to health this weekend.

Well Thursday night, is a fabulous night of TV, so off I go to try and make it all work…. damn I wish we had TIVO!

Well I feel pretty much normal today! I decided that if I ever had to endure a severe and chronic state of nauseousness, I’d likely crawl off the nearest bridge, which is quite a crawl by the way, out here on these prairies! There is nothing that I deal with worse! I can handle the puking, but it’s the “leading up to” stage that I can’t deal with! Thank the lords I’m way beyond the pregnant thing!!!

In happy news, Ben got himself 2 new jobs yesterday!! He got a part time job (mostly weekends, and some evenings) working the board during the Oilers broadcasts at a local radio station. He’s beyond thrilled!!! He started last night!

He also got a job working with a finishing carpenter. This means he’ll be working inside, and not losing a day’s pay everytime we have inclement weather (which around here is way too often). He’ll also be learning something again, AND the crew is “normal” and not a bunch of ex-cons, who are into drugs, and yelling rude things at passerbys (just like your stereotypical construction guys). Ben hated it, didn’t fit in, and they knew it. Even though Ben had more training and experience than all of them, they picked on him cause he’s so “naive”, and made him do all the shitty jobs, called him names and threw mud and things at him all the live long day. Sheesh! Let them try doing that to the boy’s Momma! Hmmmmp! They’ve never met a hormonal rabid hound dog, whose baby is being pestered! Grrrrr

Also, he’s really wanting to move back out to our small town, to live with 4 buddies in the house one of them bought (yes he’s 20 and a homeowner). He can get the room for $300/month. He just has to bring himself to discuss it with Sarah, and see if she can afford to lose his rent money. I’m sure she can, and to some degree, I’m sure she’d kind of like it. The older she gets, she’s really getting into making her home as nice, and as clean as she can. As I can atest to, Ben doesn’t fit in with that plan very well! He tries (at times), but doesn’t do a very good job of most chores, unless you go all postal on his ass, and Sarah isn’t his Mom, and doesn’t figure that’s her job! She’s right!

One week of school, and I’m already SICK! I came home after work, and almost the minute I walked in the door, I felt so nauseated that I came upstairs and took a gravol, and laid down. I was supposed to go out for dinner, and to the Oilers’ pre-season game, but I told hubby to take Ben instead, so that’s what he did. I laid there wishing I could croak, for about 4 hours before it finally hit. I felt pretty miserable until around 1 - 2 in the morning, and then I finally drifted off to sleep. I don’t feel “too bad” this morning, but I’m staying home from work anyways, cause I’m not taking any chances. Guess that means I won’t be going to tonight’s Oiler game either! Hubby was PISSED off when he got home. Parking at the games has gone up to $8.00, and a glass of draft beer, has gone up to $7.50!!! Buggers! I told hubby I’m not paying that, and they can kiss my ass until playoffs! (we’ll see how long I can resist those icey cold glasses of Molson’s!!!)

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby,
I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure the baby I’m carrying is his.

Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby,
I’ve suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?